Today my husband and I celebrate 10 years of marriage! Wow, it seems like forever, but like it was only yesterday.
I remember it being such a crazy day....Not just the normal wedding craziness, just crazy life stuff. But, we had a really fun wedding, so all that craziness just went out the window.
It’s been a great and awesome time being married to Brand. People gave their opinions that the first couple of years would be the hardest years of your marriage.....none of them were hard years. Did we go through a few things, yes, but it was never hard because we were together, we worked it out together and we moved past it together.
Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love him!
Because I believe I have finally hit the ranks to where I feel comfortable giving marital advice, here are a few things that I have observed, been through, been told, or seen. Take them or leave them, but I feel our success has been because we have done these things.
Don’t Settle Because You Are Afraid of Being Alone - It breaks my heart to hear people give up and settle for what they think is the "only person" out there. DON’T SETTLE!!!! Wait for the one God has for you! WAIT! I was 20 when I got married, and people gave me mixed comments that I was too young and then others think I was the right age. I hear 21 year olds saying that they wished they were married, they’re sad, and think they will never find love...GAG, just wait. I came to this point in my life....I had to be happy with me and Jesus and if no one ever came into the picture...could I be happy? I decided that I could, then Brand came along a year later. Just Wait! It’s not always easy, and it’s not always fun. Don’t Settle.
The Hard Look - Forget everything you feel - all the ooey gooey, lovey dovey, and take a hard and realistic look at your relationship. Is it going to work?... honestly? Can you really see yourself with that person for the rest of your life? The good times, bad times, hard times, awesome times? Do you believe the same? (that’s a big one) Where are you gonna go to church? Does he want kids? Do you want kids? How are you gonna raise them? Does your family really like him? Do you really like his family? Can you live with the flaws in character? Really? This is SUCH a big deal, I can’t stress this enough, do an inventory, and if there are concerns....address them before you have fallen head over heals and then one day you realize that you can’t stand that he laughs a certain way, or acts like your father, or he spends too much money, or hates your friends, or makes you feel guilty when you want to hang out with your friends for an evening.... Be Honest with yourself. PLEASE!
Like Each Other - There comes a time were it’s just you and him, make sure that you don’t just love the looks, love them, and LIKE them. How many marriages end because they really never got the time to like and know each other?
Hangout With Friends - You can’t be around each other every second of everyday. Have friends that you can go out with as a couple. Or go have a girls day or guys day. People who encourage your life and marriage.
Honor Your Husband - Treat him with respect. Don’t tear him down in front of his friends and family. ALWAYS talk him up, even if he’s not at that level. I cringe every time I hear a wife yell how stupid her husband is in front of her friends while he is around. The male ego is a fragile thing. I have not mastered this by any stretch of the imagination, but I am working on it all the time.
Don’t Lose Yourself - No matter how long I’m married I still want to be me. I still have the same hopes and dreams I had before I married Brand. Some of them have changed to include him, but they never left. Before I met Brand my life was literally devoted to the church, to serving the people of the church, to seeing lives change when they come to church.......none of that changed when I got married. I didn’t spend as much time at the church, but Brand came along beside me and we serve together. He doesn’t get jealous when I am working at the church, he is proud of me. If you had a ministry that you have had in your heart since you were a child.....you better make sure the mate you pick has similar dreams. There will always be a part of you that will hate the fact that you compromised on what God called you to do.... Don’t do it. It’s shouldn’t be a fight, it should be pretty seemless. ALSO, don’t change your personality!!!!! If you say this..."I just don’t feel like I can be myself around him".....whoa.....Talk to a wide variety of friends, have you changed since dating or marrying? A lot of times you can’t see it, you’re in the love bubble, but your friends will be honest with you. AND if they aren’t, find some new ones. Have people around you that will tell you the truth in love.
There is my 2 cents, take it or leave, but I hope you take it, because we have 10 years under our belt and not once have we had a fight that we didn't take care of before we went to bed that night. He has never slept on the couch, I have never gone to my parents house to cool off and sleep the fight away. Do we have our problems......OF COURSE, do we let our problem rule our life.....never. We have so much to do in this life that we haven't even tapped into yet, and I refuse to let our lives be wasted with stupid fights and disagreements.
I honestly cannot imagine how it could get any better..... but I know it can. :)
Happy Anniversary Love!
~mandy~
